Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
