let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
