well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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