Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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