That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
