No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
