Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
