this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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