Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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