oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
