I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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