I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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