so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
