....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm at about main and main street
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
