The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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