We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
