I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
