If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
