So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
