I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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