Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
