I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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