ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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