I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
