Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
