My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
