umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
