This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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