dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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