Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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