I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
