end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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