I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize