She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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