I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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