there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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