He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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