So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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