Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
