haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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