it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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