I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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