we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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