Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
