My liver just broke up with me...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize