He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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