im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize