He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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