Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
