Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
