Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
