I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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