belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
