i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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