Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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