i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
