youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
