I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
