...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
