i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
