my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
