That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
