TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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