I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
