I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
