I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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