I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
