like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
