Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
