omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
