When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize