i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
