NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
