is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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