She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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