Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
