I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were destined to go to rehab together
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
