guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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